i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
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