M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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