I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
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