on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
The power of my boobs compel you
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
