that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
