I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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