Pappa wants mamma naked
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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