Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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