You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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