Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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