I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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