Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
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