Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
