I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
