i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
cat food counts as protein by the way
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
