At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
My pussy is not your playground.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Randomize
