that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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