you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Randomize
