Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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