I love black thongs
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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