I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
