i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
