At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
