I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
