Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I just sucked dick on a ferry
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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