We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
