my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
