so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Everyone says I win the strip club
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
So apparently I’m into choking now
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
