do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
