Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
