your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize