youre lurking in front of me
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
