We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
