Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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