I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
