Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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