She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
