i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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