i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
now i know why i became what i already was.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
