I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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