Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize