It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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