Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize