If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
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