hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
