Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
