my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
