i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
