Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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