Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize