if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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