id be glad to
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
