Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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