There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
