What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Randomize
