We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
