with your own penis?
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
