She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
