I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
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