Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
