I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
