sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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