That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
