I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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