if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize