just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
